This week, a friend of mine complained about how her social media feed made her want to curl up in a ball and cry, which caught me off-guard. You see, I’ve essentially been off all social media for about six months. When I challenged this friend to get off social media for a while, she sent back a flurry of excuses that, to me, sounded just like an addict justifying their heroine usage. I figure she’s not the only one grappling with this decision. So, it’s time that I report on how I’m doing, what I’m feeling, and how I’m dealing with the “disconnection” of being off social media. My hope is that if you’re on the fence about leaving socials, then this article will help you figure out what to do.
How & Why I Left Social Media
Let’s start with my definition of “off social media”. I still regularly read LinkedIn and get a curated list of LinkedIn notifications. I’ve always liked LinkedIn because all of my contacts’ posts are professional and interesting. That hasn’t changed and so I see no reason to leave LinkedIn.
I completely deleted my X account in early 2025 when Musk was ravaging the Federal government. Having lived in DC, I have a lot of friends in the area that are highly affected by what’s going on and I felt like it was time to remove my support of Musks’ actions by doing what I could. I have not looked at a tweet in about a year.
Just a few months later, I read the book, Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism by Sarah Wynn-Williams, Facebook’s former Director of Public Policy from 2011-2017. This book is a memoir, but many of the most egregious facts about how Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg and others have basically let Facebook take down democracies and uphold other atrocities around the world have been corroborated by others. I put it down and I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone. In doing so, I essentially stopped using Facebook cold turkey. I still technically have accounts, but by most measures they are dormant.
I never had a TikTok, SnapChat, or other account (yes, I am over 40!) so none of these had to be dealt with.
Pros of Being Off Social Media
I have to admit that my friend’s comment about feeling terrible because of social media really surprised me because I have not had this feeling for months. You know the feeling. It’s the one where you start to scroll and you can physically feel your mood declining. I not only stay off the socials, but I also uninstalled all of my news apps. When I need to know what’s going on in the world, I go to NPR first, then BBC, then possibly Fox if I want to know how the Republicans are spinning something. I found it very interesting that when Charlie Kirk died, hours later, NPR and BBC had one article about it and Fox News had 4-5 pages of articles just talking about Charlie Kirk, like nothing else had happened that day.
Better Mental Health
The main benefit of being off socials is that my mental health is WAY better.
Anyway, I digress. The main benefit of being off socials is that my mental health is WAY better. Like, night and day better. Like, I can handle living in this world again, better. I don’t spiral every single day like I used to early last year. It is amazing! It was worth is just for this benefit. And every day that I spend detached, my overall mental health gets better.
More Time To Do Other Things
I now fill my time with more useful pursuits. I read more. I write more. I’ve even finished an entire cross stitch project, something I haven’t done since my early 20’s. It’s hard to quantify just how much time I’ve clawed back because I tended to check social media in between things. A few minutes here, 15 minutes there. Before I flat-out quit, I’d placed a 15-minute timer on Facebook, which I used to hit every day and sometimes turn off so I could scroll for…ever. So, I’ve at least clawed back 15 minutes which is not nothing.
Better Interactions with My Friends
Now that I’m off Facebook, when it’s time to wish my friends a Happy Birthday or I think about them for one reason or another, I text them. Which inevitably leads to a quick conversation and sometimes to setting up time to see them in-person. This is far better than simply liking a post where you get no back and forth. And let me tell you, people really appreciate you going the extra mile to reach out to them. A few of my friends also know that I need to be told about events that are posted on Facebook, so this goes both ways. They reach out to me, I reach out to them. Life is good.
I also rarely get mad at something my friends have posted, because I’m not seeing their off-the-cuff posts.
More Control Over Who Gets My Money
I was not one to see a Facebook ad and buy things very often, but I know some of you are. Not seeing the ads makes it really easy not to buy things. And, I also feel good knowing that I’m not supporting Zuckerberg or Musk in any meaningful way anymore. They don’t need my money and I don’t need their manipulative algorithms.
You Aren’t At The Mercy of the Algorithm
Speaking of algorithms, most of the excuses my friend gave centered around using social media to cheer up. She’d curated her Instagram to show her cute dog videos….until the ICE agent shot Renee Good and then her feed completely flipped to an onslaught of political messages.
That’s the thing, on social media, we aren’t in charge of what we see. We really have no say and these platforms have the incentive to show you horrible things because when they do, you tend to spend more time on the platform, which makes them money.
These platforms have the incentive to show you horrible things because when they do, you tend to spend more time on the platform, which makes them money.
Don’t be someone’s product. Don’t be the reason someone else is making money at the expense of your mental health. That is an awful lot of control over your life you’re giving them. That is way too much control.
What I Miss About Social Media
I’ve gone back out to Facebook twice since I uninstalled it and I do that from my laptop. That’s always an option, I just don’t have a habit of checking from my laptop, so I don’t do it!
Missing Events
When I go out there, I do two things:
- I check my neighborhood group to see if I’ve missed an important announcement. This seems to be the only group I really care about hearing from. Both times, I’ve realized I haven’t missed much. Some informative things, but not much.
- I check up on some specific friends’ feeds that I’m thinking about. I logged on around Christmas time to check on a few friends before I sent my Christmas card. I wanted to know if they’d moved or gone on any interesting trips. Mostly, they had just posted sad political comments, the kind that would have gotten me riled up. I love them, but I don’t love feeling that way. I want to have the friendship without the anger. Being off socials allows me to do that.
Important Events Will Be At The Top of Your Feed
I will also scroll down a little ways on my feed just to see if there’s anything I need to catch. If you’ve been off of Facebook for a while, for example, the algorithm will automatically push the most important events to the top of your feed. Your friend from high school who had a baby, the other friend from your first job that got a divorce, those posts will be front and center. If you didn’t know that someone had a big life event in real life, then they aren’t the kind of friend who you needed to respond to right away anyway.
If you didn’t know that someone had a big life event in real life, then they aren’t the kind of friend who you needed to respond to right away anyway.
Boredom
And finally, I notice myself looking at my phone and realizing there’s nothing else to look at once I’ve gone through my emails and played my games on Board Game Arena. I get annoyed for a second and think about going out to check the news, but then I remind myself: boredom is good. Especially phone boredom. That means it’s time to go do something in real life with real people. And that, is probably the main reason my mental health is so much better. I get more quality time with the people I love.
What About You?
The pull to keep using socials is strong, but remember they are built to addict you and it’s working. If you’ve been thinking of leaving, I have a challenge for you.
Uninstall your apps and stay off social media for 1-3 months to see what happens to your life. Notice how you feel day-to-day. Notice how many times you are told that you’ve “missed” something important. Then, after your month away, feel free to go back out there and actually look. How does your mood change as you’re on the site? How many events or posts that you care about did you actually miss?
For me, that number has been zero. Both times I’ve looked, I felt like I missed nothing. This experiment is probably an off-ramp towards shutting down my accounts, the only friction is me figuring out how to save half a lifetime’s worth of photos somewhere. So, someday, I may be completely free. But for now, I feel like a whole different person, a better, happier one.